just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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