Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
