Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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