Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
