Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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