There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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