Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
