That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
