He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
