i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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