I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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