it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
