Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
