I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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