If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
