so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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