I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
