Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's blow job season.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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