so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
