I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
