Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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