Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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