Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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