Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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