Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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