I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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