I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
