Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
