my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
