I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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