I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
