(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
