doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My pussy is not your playground.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
