That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think i have herpe
just one?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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