Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
