he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
