She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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