Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
