I smell stomach acid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
