he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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