We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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