All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
