Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
