what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
