Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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