He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
