I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
