my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
