She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She said her name was "party"
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
