I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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