loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
