Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
