You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
