My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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