hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She told me I should be a condom model.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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