He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
