literally had 100 drinks last night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
