if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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