you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize