Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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