Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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