so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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