um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
40s are totally the cure
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
