When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
