It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
