his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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